Meefers/THE CHINA

It’s been a while now since I’ve written anything about being bewildered by ‘The China’ – as we call it when something disappointing/confusing happens to smite you – but that doesn’t mean that ridiculous things don’t happen all the time: it just means that I’ve become inured to their effects.  Every once in a while I’m still left shaking my head while something odd takes place, but now it’s less of a hallucinogenic freakout and more of a ‘ha, China, when will you get your shit together’ kind of shoulder shrug. 

For example, the other day I was wondering why the bus was going so incredibly slowly towards the shopping area… it turned out that there had been a literal ‘fender bender’ (both cars not damaged beyond cosmetic value) car accident, and that the crash team was laughing and having cigarettes in the middle of the road while they block 2 of 3 lanes, rather than getting their cars to the side.  Why were they waiting? I don’t know!  Probably waiting for someone to show up with some pickled chickens’ feet, or somesuch.

This kind of speaks to the ‘meefer’ (catchphrase for when me or Hoochador see somebody pulling a ‘ME FIRST’ kind of move) philosophy of life that seems to hold sway in this crowded country; it appears everybody is convinced that they are a unique and beautiful snowflake, and that they need to be accommodated for at all times.

It seems a bit odd for a communist country, but it’s true, and largely what is holding this country in an ‘almost first world’ kiddie pool stage; the ‘me first’ philosophy that leads to people self-entitled-ly sticking their cars at perpendiculars into traffic is what really holds china back. 

For a communist country where the ‘greater good’ should be something that is worked towards, China is the most ruthlessly individual country I’ve ever lived in: basically if you’re not part of an individual’s family, you can go indirectly (and in a slow, second-hand smoke wreathed fashion) to hell.

  This is what you see with the massively inefficient lines forming at attractions, where you have to dry-hump a complete stranger so another complete stranger won’t wedge themselves in in front of you.  This lesson should have been learned at my first grocery shop when old ladies would (figuratively) come sprinting from across the store to slam their veggies onto the scale in front of my tentative north American approach….and thus get their food weighed first.  This all used to actually bother me, but you just change your behaviour and get on with your own menial existence.

If you are a large person who is not afraid of being assertive (or ‘being a bit of a jerk’ within the western moral system), you will have no trouble getting around/getting your veggies weighed.  There is, however, one thing you will not escape.

When you go skiing, it is your responsibility to keep your eyes on what is happening downslope in order to avoid running into anyone who might have crashed or stopped for some reason.  If you keep your head on a swivel, you can get to the bottom without running over a toddler and feel good about yourself. 

Moving around in public in China has the same feel to me: nobody pays attention to anything that is happening around/behind them because they are so special, and thus people move very inefficiently whether in cars or on foot because they are always in each other’s way.  This is less of a problem if you move around at the same speed as the malformed hunchbacks (and by this I mean actual hunchbacks because, you know, eastern medicine is a winner) and their brethren that you see every time you go to the market… but if you are 40-50% taller than they are, it makes using the sidewalk a bit of an exercise in saving oblivious idiots from themselves.

I’ve yet to decide what exactly is the best way to deal with this problem, but my current practice of allowing tuned-out people – who I detect aren’t paying attention to their surroundings by about the time they come within a metre of me or so – to walk directly into my shoulder (rather than doing an avoidance dance to save them from themselves) allows for a little satisfaction.  I usually just look at them and raise a questioning eyebrow, before they realise my relative giant stature and scurry off with feet that barely ever leave the ground.  It’s neat.  It’s ‘The China’ in action.